Mar 8, 2010

Posted by in Political comment, Political satire | 0 Comments

The Blame Game

Hey, have you heard about The Emperor’s new toy: “The Blame Game”?

Mind you, this is not the first version which went on public sale in the early days of the First Rudd Imperium when Kevvie The Triumphal promised an end to the tiresome cycle of the blame game between the Australian Government and the states. That sold moderately well to a public tired of so many violence-addled computer games like World of Warcraft but never became a raging hot-seller.

The second version – just announced last week but not to be released for actual use until 2014 – promises some more excitement. Indeed, in a strange twist to the marketing campaign the maker, Policy Wonk Toys (PWT), has hinted at some real fireworks to liven-up the sales pitch. Full details are apparently to be drip fed to a credulous market over the coming 36 months which offers more tease than Alexander Downer in fishnet stockings.

The remarkable aspect of the new toy is the reaction of the beta testers whose initial response was considerably less than lukewarm. Couldn’t Lie Straight in Bed from Sunshine Sell-offs was muted (no, not neutered, that will happen in 2012) while Krispy Kornflakes from Flat Arse Broke Repossessions was so moved she drafted a ten-point query to PWT asking what the hell they thought their pricing policy would be. The Wild Stallion from Indian Mortality Productions was more forceful, telling PWT their royalty rates were pathetic and he would withhold all commissions until the full details on the on-seller agreement were released. Other testers were so busy with on-line polling games of their own they refused to talk to anybody whose hand they could not shake directly.

The true creative genius of Kevvie, however, is his ability to manufacture a sideshow that will provide all the sound and fury necessary to build a groundswell of cheap publicity for the The Blame Game. The inside word contained in a leaked whistleblower email said to have been signed by Mother Theresa herself is that the Emperor intends to defy anti-bullying proponents and thrash the beta testers to within an inch of their lives, demonstrating once and forever his complete and utter and unequivocal and irrefutable domination of the playground.

Described as the most cynical self-publicity ploy since Marilyn Monroe sang Happy Birthday to a President, the move is aimed at starving those loathsome creatures opposite of their ability to be heard above the tumult. It all promises to be a campaign not to miss especially since retail margins are expected to rise from 10% to 12.5% to cover increased distribution costs. PWT has promised that not one neo-liberal will be killed or injured in the making of The Blame Game though there remains deeply entrenched cynicism about the claim.

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