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LizzI rolled her over on her back. I tried to kiss her, but she turned her head away. "No, no kissing," she said. I shrugged. If she didn't want to kiss, that was fine with me.I'd met her at the hotel bar, where she had just started working. Her name was Liz and she screwed up my order three times. "How hard is it to remember a double scotch?" I teased. I flirted with her all night. She had a high, infectious laugh that rang in the room like the sound of bells. When the bar closed for the evening, she followed me back to my room.At first she sat on the bed and talked about her father while I poured myself a drink. Given the difference in our ages, it didn't take a genius to imagine she saw me as some sort of father figure. But her neuroses were none of my concern. I gulped down my scotch and tried not to think about it too much.I got her blouse off. Her bra was white and mostly transparent. Her nipples were as big around as silver dollars, and they formed dark circles under the lacy fabric. I tried to reach around her back and unhook her bra.But she suddenly twisted away and bounced out of reach. She sat up on the edge of the bed with her back towards me.I pulled myself next to her. "What's wrong?" I said.She sighed deeply. "I should go."I ran my finger down the ridge of her backbone. "No, don't go. Stay here with me tonight." I prodded the clasp of her bra with my fingertip. It had a double hook - it would be a simple task to unfasten it."I can't." She reached down and picked her blouse up off the floor."Why not?""It's my husband. He is supposed to call."I sat up beside her. She turned her head slightly away and wouldn't look at me. I bumped my bare shoulder against hers. My erection tented my slacks."Why don't you call him tomorrow?" I took her hand and put it in my lap. Her fingers tightened around my prick, and she finally looked at me and smiled slyly.But her smile quickly faded. "Didn't I tell you?" she said. "My little brother died last month. He committed suicide. He was only twenty-three."She buried her face in my neck, and I knew why she had laughed so much earlier in the evening. Tears trickled down my chest, and I stroked her long hair. * * * The next night I went back to the hotel bar, and Liz was there again. Her smile beamed as soon as I walked in the door."Hello!" she said. "I was hoping you'd come back!"She had the night off, but she had come to the bar anyway hoping to find me again. We stayed for a couple hours, and I bought her four drinks. She was happy and smiling and laughed at all my jokes. As the evening wore on, she kept stroking my forearms as if she couldn't keep her hands off me.She was a little tipsy. I decided I'd try again to get her, and again she agreed to come back to my room. I bought a bottle from the bartender and we skittered up the elevator like a couple of guilty school k**s.She still wouldn't kiss me, but this time I got her bra off. Her breasts were large and soft, and those big nipples squeezed up tightly when I sucked them.I tried to pull her panties down, but she grabbed my wrist. "No," she said."No?" I said, a whine creeping into my voice."No. I'm sorry.""Are you sure?""Yes."I felt playful and didn't want it to end. "I'll tell you what. I'll show you mine if you show me yours."She scrunched up her face. "Ah. So that's how it's supposed to work?"But I wouldn't be so easily deterred. I yanked my shorts down and dropped them over the side of the bed. I took her hands and wrapped them around my straining cock. "Feel what you do to me?""Hmm," she smiled, and her hands moved almost imperceptibly on my penis. "But I'm still not going to fuck you.""No?" I was repeating myself, and I was annoyed at myself for not being able to think of anything new to say."No."I couldn't figure her out. I got up off the bed, my hard-on waving stiffly. She rolled over on her belly, her tan panties stretched tight over her ass. She turned her head towards the window. She had a dreamy, far-away look in her eye.I found a tumbler and filled it with scotch. I took a deep swallow and nearly gagged, but I forced it down. And then I took another swallow. I refilled my glass.For just an instant, I thought about what my wife might be doing at home. Probably doing mundane household chores, like ironing clothes. While watching TV. Not that it made much difference what my wife was doing."Why don't you come over to my place tomorrow?" Liz said into the pillow. I barely heard what she said."What about your husband?"She rolled over on her back, and she looked at me through her lashes. Her large breasts formed two beautifully soft pillows on her chest. "He left a message on the machine yesterday. They are keeping him until late next week." She paused and looked at me expectantly. She was a very pretty girl. "So what do you say?"I watched with an increasing desire as her fingers tickled absently over her tummy. I could feel some of the old fire beginning to flare in my veins.If I were smart, I would forget her and move on. But she had touched something in me that reminded me of my younger years. It reminded me of when I was first married, when I was sure I could still triumph over the world."Sure," I said, "I'd be glad to." * * * I arrived at Liz's house at five o'clock sharp. She stood on her porch and waved as I pulled into the driveway.She gave me a quick tour through the house. It wasn't much of a house, really. And compared to my wife, Liz wasn't much of a housekeeper. "This is the kitchen," she said. Loose photographs littered the counter like unraked leaves. The pictures were all of various people, friends and family, I presumed. I looked through a few. Liz herself was only in one, a group shot of four people standing together in the bright sun. She was on the right, brightly radiant. The old couple, her mother and father, stood closely together in the middle. And the teenage boy, who stood slightly away from the other three, his hands thrust in his pockets."That's Eddie," she pointed, "and those are my mom and dad."It was hard to relate Liz to this family. I looked at her mother's eyes, but they were cast in shadows and didn't reveal a thing. And Eddie's somber face was a complete contrast to Liz's ebullience. I had to look closely to see any familial resemblance at all - perhaps a similarity in the slope of the nose, or maybe the chin.She showed me a few other nondescript rooms and then led me down a narrow hallway. "And this," she said as she threw open a door with a flourish, "is the bedroom."The bed was unmade and the room smelled faintly of a pine disinfectant. She sat on the bed and faced me and threw her arms apart. "Are you coming?" she said, smiling widely.We rolled together on the bed. This time she let me kiss her, and her hands were all over me. Our shoes thumped to the floor, and we quickly whipped off our shirts. Her breasts felt exhilarating against my bare chest.I pulled my underwear down and my erection sprung free. She stared intently at my penis and licked her lips. And then she looked me in the eye. "Do you have a condom?" she asked."No," I said. She let me pull her panties down, and they got caught up around her knees."You don't?""I came here straight from the convention. I haven't had time.""You need to have a condom," she said.I was deeply disappointed, but I tried to play the responsible adult. "That's smart of you," I said. "You can't be too careful these days.""Oh, I'm not worried about that. I think I can trust you. It's just I can't get pregnant.""You're not on the pill?""No.""I don't know," I smiled, and I twirled my fingers around in her soft, dark pubic hair. "That wouldn't be so bad.""I can't justify bringing a baby into this world," she said, but her voice was off in a different place. Her eyes had that distant look again."Maybe I could borrow one of your husband's.""No. Charlie won't wear them."I fingered her navel. "So what does he do? Does he put it here?"She shrugged. "Sometimes. But mostly he doesn't come. He can fuck for hours without coming. But maybe his sperm count is a little low." She sighed. "Or maybe it's just me.""If it's you, then maybe it'll be safe.""No."I raked my fingers through her curly hairs. "So I'll pick up something tomorrow, OK?"She smiled. "All right."Her eyes dropped and got a misty look in them. She seemed to be drifting away again. I tried to reel her back in."But in the meantime, what about me?" I said.She blinked rapidly and looked at me. "You? What about you?""About this?" I said, pointing to my erection. "How about you finish me with your hand?""No.""Or a blowjob.""No.""Why not?""That would make me too excited. I wouldn't be able to control myself."I laughed. I had never run across a woman who resisted like this! "So then what? Do you just want to get drunk?"She frowned. "Don't be mean. Who knows? Maybe if you were more persuasive ...""I think I'll just go back to the hotel.""Charlie can get me to do what he wants. Charlie knows how to push all my buttons.""Too bad Charlie is a thousand miles away."She got very quiet and I immediately felt bad. I sat down beside her on the bed and caressed the back of her neck. "I'm sorry," I said. "I'm just a sour old man.""No you're not. You can be sweet when you want to be.""I really should get back, though. If I'm going to get drunk, I should do it where I don't need to drive.""OK."She had a disappointed look on her face that gave me one last pause for optimism. "Unless it's OK for me to stay here tonight," I said.She spoke almost in a whisper. "I don't think that's a good idea."I nodded. I expected as much. "But we'll do something tomorrow, OK?"She smiled. "I'll call you," she said.I picked up some condoms and a couple bottles of scotch on the way back to the hotel. In my room, I poured myself a big, thumping drink, but fatigue overwhelmed me before I got a chance to finish it. I fell into a deep, c***d-like sleep. * * * The next day I skipped out on the convention and met her at the city park. I knew my boss would notice my absence and I would catch hell, but it had been a long time since I cared what my boss thought about me. I'd been considering quitting for years, but I never went through with it because the thought of looking for a new job made the skin at the back of my neck prickle uncomfortably. That, and I couldn't bear the thought of telling my wife I was unemployed.The day was warm and sunny, and the air smelled of freshly cut grass. She brought a plastic grocery bag full of food, and we found a quiet corner to sit and eat.She was playful and attentive. After we ate, we walked around the park, hand in hand. I whistled some old romantic tunes, and she laughed and hugged me. Whenever we walked by a tree, we would sneak behind to kiss.She had to leave after two hours. "Charlie said he would call this afternoon," she said. "But this was fun. Why don't you come over for dinner tonight? Daniel is going to be there too. He's an old friend. You can meet him."I wasn't happy that we'd have company, but I really wanted to see her again. I told her I'd go back to the hotel and change, and I'd be at her place at six. * * * When I arrived, Daniel was already there. He was young, like she was, and had a serious look that made me take an instant dislike towards him. He had long blond hair, steel-rimmed glasses, and carried a book bag over his shoulder. He sat on the living room floor and said things like, "Sartre was a fool."They had a pizza delivered. I drank scotch and they drank the cheap beer Daniel brought with him. They played their music so loud we could barely hear ourselves talk. But Liz was having a good time. I sat in the big easy chair and tried to smile as I sulked.Daniel didn't leave until after one o'clock. "Thank God he's gone," I said when she closed the door behind him. I could feel a comfortable, alcoholic spin in my head. "That was boring.""Be nice," she said. "Daniel is a good friend. And you know, I think he likes you.""Daniel needs to find his own girl." I hugged her and kissed her and she leaned her head back and gave me a good, long look. She seemed to be sizing me up, so I gave her as good a smile as I could muster after all the alcohol I'd consumed. Lucky for me, my drunk smile can be endearing. "Why don't we just go to bed?" she said.I couldn't have said it better myself.I poured myself a drink while she hurriedly slipped out of her jeans and T-shirt. I put my drink down, stripped, and followed her under the covers.She lay her head on my chest and I picked up my drink again. I sipped carefully while she played with the hair on my chest. For the first time I noticed she bit her fingernails. I thought I should probably get rid of the booze, but I took another sip."Does your wife know you cheat on her?" she asked."I doubt it," I said."You don't think she suspects these little trips of yours?"I thought about that. My wife doesn't have much of an imagination, really. "I don't think it would even occur to her.""Do you think she's cheating, too?""No. She seems reasonably happy. Besides, she doesn't have the time.""But you find the time."I drained my drink and set the glass on the floor. The heat of alcohol rose in my veins.She rolled off my chest and lay down beside me. She stared blankly up towards the ceiling. "I found out Charlie is cheating on me," she said."Yeah?""With my best friend."I traced my fingers across her nipples. They puckered slightly, then relaxed again. I wondered about steel-rimmed Daniel. Was she fucking him, too?"Charlie doesn't mean to hurt me. In some ways, he's just a little boy."I pulled the sheet back. The entirety of her naked body lay stretched out on the mattress. The baby-soft skin, the womanly breasts, and the slight pooch of her belly."In a way, I'm much older than he is." She sighed. "He's really just a little boy."The wild tangle of black hair between her legs begged to be explored. I crawled downwards and got a good, close look. She smelled of cunt and sweat and beer.I pressed my nose up into the crease of her crotch and slid up and down. Her hips rose up off the bed and I wrapped my hands around her thighs and pushed my face up harder. Her slickness built between her fleshy lips, and I rubbed my face around. I found her clitoris and gave it a tender kiss.And then I licked her clit, firm tongue lashes, pressing it hard against her pubic bone and letting it side out from under my tongue. Her whole body jerked as it popped out of my tongue's control. Her nipples strained fabulously, and I sucked her bulging bulb right into my mouth.She squirmed and arched against my face. "Now," she panted, "now."I rolled on a condom and kneeled between her legs. Her face was bright red. Her brown pubic hair was plastered to her crotch with all the wet. I held my cock and placed the head at her glistening opening. I rubbed it up and down through her slit. "Tell me you want it," I said. "Tell me to fuck you.""Fuck me," she said, and I knew she was finally mine.I slid into her slick sheath, and she surrounded my cock, she pulled me into her, and I thrust into her, feeling her hot cunt, feeling the exquisite sensations along the length of my shaft and rubbing against the flare of my cockhead, and I pumped and pumped and the pleasure spiraled inside me, and I fucked her, and I fucked her, and I fucked her, and the cum gathered and my body stiffened and I fucked her some more and finally, oh finally, the pleasure spilled forth, the ecstasy grabbed me, and my semen spurted out of me.Happy at last, I lay back and spun hazily towards sleep. I was vaguely aware that she still lay awake, and for a moment I wondered if she had got hers, too. I thought maybe she had, but I wasn't quite sure. I wasn't quite sure. * * * I woke up, and she lay behind me in bed with her arm d****d around my waist. Her open palm rested on my belly, and her soft breasts pressed against my back. Her mouth was right behind my ear. I could feel her moist breath on my neck."Let me tell you about my brother, Eddie," she whispered.My head felt clear, just a hint of the alcoholic fog. How long had I been sleeping? "No, you don't have to."Her arm tightened around me. "But I want to tell you. I need to tell you."We lay still for a long time, and I thought maybe she had changed her mind, that she didn't really want to talk. But just as I began to dip back towards sleep, she started speaking in an easy, measured voice."My brother was always a loner," she began. "Even as a k**, he kept to himself."Me and my parents were always worried about him. Even as a little k**, but especially later, when he was in high school. Eddie never seemed to have friends, and he'd spend hours by himself in his room. Sometimes he'd just lie there. Sometimes he'd lie there for so long it scared us. He would skip school all the time. I mean, k**s skip school, that's just something they do. But Eddie wouldn't even do anything when he skipped. He'd just stay home and do nothing and get caught. All for no reason."I would come back from college and ask him how he was doing. He always said, `Fine,' and that was it. I used to buy him beer and he'd say, `Thanks.' It was like talking to a fence post."He had a really tough time. He was such a sad boy. But he never got in a lot of trouble. He finally got through high school. But I was afraid how he would handle moving away from home and going to college."But he actually did OK. He even graduated, although it took him five years and his grades were never good. He still wasn't too social, and he never brought friends home, but he seemed to be surviving. I talked to Mom and Dad about it once. We thought maybe things weren't so bad."We were stunned when he got married. No one even knew he was seeing anybody, and all of a sudden, he came back home with Arlene, his new wife. My parents and I were so surprised! But we were also very happy for him. We were sure he was starting an exciting new part of his life."They had the baby right away. Arlene was wonderful. She doted on that k**, you could tell she adored him. Mom and Dad were delighted to have a grandson. They teased me that they always thought I would be the first to give them grandc***dren."Eddie, though, never seemed to connect with the baby. While Arlene took care of the baby, he would just stand back in the corner of the room and watch like he was a stranger in his own home."Eddie always got these spells. As long as I remember, he would sort of drift off. He would just lie in bed staring at the ceiling, and he wouldn't say a word to anybody. Sometimes these spells would last just an hour, but when he got older, sometimes they lasted for days. Mom would get so scared. Dad thought maybe he was faking. We didn't know what to do. But he always snapped out of them eventually."I think the spells stopped when he went to college. But after the baby came, he started having them again. Arlene called me one day in a panic, telling me that Eddie hadn't moved a muscle since Sunday."And I didn't do anything. I just told her Eddie did that sometimes, that you just have to wait and then he'll snap out of it. He always did."And then a couple days later, I got the phone call at work. Arlene was hysterical, she said she needed help." Liz breathed a long, slow, ragged breath. "I called the police, and they got there right away. Right away. But it wasn't fast enough. Eddie had a knife, and ..." Her voice began to break.I rolled around to face her. Tears welled in her eyes. "No more," I said gently."That poor baby. And Arlene." Tears streamed from both eyes. "And then he used the knife on himself ...""You don't have to go on," I said."I drove up to Arlene and Eddie's place just as the police broke down the door. They made me go inside so they could figure out what happened. There was so much blood! Later, at the funerals, everyone stared at me like I had some horrible contagious disease."Ever since then, I seem to cry all the time. I can't help it. The littlest things will set me off. One time a lady yelled at me in the grocery store parking lot. And I just couldn't control myself. Charlie had to leave work and come pick me up. When we got home, he slapped my face. He told me not to be so emotional.""That's enough," I said."And the worst thing was, it was all my fault! I told Arlene to just wait, that Eddie would snap out of it. If I had just told her to do something, none of this would've happened. Don't you see? It was a terrible thing, and it was all my fault!"She sobbed loudly, and I gathered her in my arms. I held her and stroked her long hair. * * * I woke up at dawn's first light with her mouth around my cock. Her lips formed a tight seal, and she bobbed her head vigorously up and down. She stared me right in the eye, looking up at me through her long lashes.She pumped her mouth up and down, and I thought about what she had said about her brother the night before. I cradled her face with my fingertips and gently lifted her towards me.We kissed, and she pressed her warm body against me. Her knee worked between my legs, and her crotch settled down against my upper thigh. Her hands ran strongly up and down my sides.I rolled her over on her back. Her nostrils flared as I kneeled between her legs. I picked a condom up off the nightstand and tore it open, but before I could get it on, my erection began to sag. "Damn!" I said. I tried to handle myself hard again. I tried to think about her cunt, her curly pubic hair, and her soft folds.But seeing her lying there, I thought about her brother, and I could no longer think of her just as someone to fuck. I tried to imagine what her life must be like. A foolish husband, ineffectual friends. Why did she reach out to a drunk old fool like me? What did she think I could give her?My erection was simply gone. I threw the unused condom in the trash and slumped against the headboard."It's OK," she said. "I think maybe I'm just that kind of girl. It happened with Daniel, too." She covered my shriveled penis with her hand. "And my husband hasn't made love to me in a month.""It doesn't happen to me," I said.She smiled and gave my thigh a pat. She laid her head down on the pillow, and her eyes drifted off, and she got that dreamy look again.I snatched up the scotch bottle from the nightstand and took a long, deep pull. The rich alcohol burned all the way down. I wiped my mouth. I could smell the scotch on the back of my hand. I took another swallow."You know, maybe sometimes you drink too much," she said. "I think you passed out on me the other night."I set the bottle down. She really was a nice k**. What had she done to deserve this kind of life? "Thanks for the advice," I smiled.And I felt the sudden need to leave. But leave for where? I didn't want to go back to my hotel room. And I surely didn't want to return home. And I couldn't stand the thought of leaving Liz lying there alone.And then the idea struck me."Liz, why don't you run away with me? We can go somewhere warm, like San Diego. I've been thinking about leaving for a long time. I hate my job. My wife wouldn't miss me - we don't have much of a marriage anyway. We could start our lives over new."The idea made perfect sense, and I looked at her like a dog waiting for its dinner.A smile touched her face. She turned towards me and took my hands in hers. She looked me straight in the eye. And she talked. She talked quietly and firmly.And while she never came right out and said it, I knew she was telling me in no uncertain terms that she would not go away with me. She had a kindness and caring and gentleness that far exceeded her years. I felt like a c***d being let down easily by a loving parent.She kissed me gently. I looked into her warm, moist eyes. It was a silly idea, of course. The last thing she needed in her life was a man like me.I couldn't just lie there, though, and I stood up. If I had been back in my hotel room, I would've packed my bags. As it was, I could do nothing but pick my clothes off the floor while I talked to her."So, what are you going to do with yourself, Liz?" I asked."I don't know," she said.I felt a determination rise in me like I had not felt in years. "I'm still going," I said.She stood up and hugged me and kissed me. "You do what you need to do."I saw in my mind exactly how her life would go. She and her husband would split up, and she would search about for other men, men like Daniel, who were just as incapable of dealing with her. She would bounce around in life, like a ship at sea in search of a friendly port.And I realized too that I would never really leave my wife. Thinking back, the idea of moving to San Diego seemed ridiculous.But I still felt the determination. I'd do something. That much was for sure. * * * Liz dropped me off at the airport. She gave me a warm smile and a kiss on the cheek as I prepared to board the plane. "Take care of yourself, OK?" I said."I will," she said."And Liz, if you need anything ...""I will be sure to call." We hugged, and she gave my rump a playful pat. "Bye now," she said. And I walked down the ramp onto the plane.I wondered if maybe I should have gone to San Diego after all. I wondered what my wife would be doing when I walked in the door. I wondered if I should tell her about Liz, but I couldn't imagine how to confess my indiscretions without making an even bigger mess of my marriage.I stowed my bag and sat down in my seat. I asked the flight attendant for a scotch, took a deep breath, sat back, and buckled my seatbelt.
04-06-2021, at 07:02 PM

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